Beautiful crimson
by nekocandy4life
Summary: 'Just a bit more' I prayed to the gods 'just a bit more and I will no longer exist.' Red streamed out my hands, painting the cold tile floors a beautiful crimson, staining my white polar shirt. I was starting to feel light, so light, like a feather being carried by the wind to the great beyond. (WARNING) Dark fic, Ooc, and self harm. You have all been equally warned. Sih with JR
1. Red (Saga)

**To those who are reading this.  
**

**I just want to warn you.**

**Beautiful crimson will so much be a happy happy fic.**

**It is a fanfic i am making for those you (If you're me) feels as if you can't go on and think the things i do at times. **

**I will make some things light and humorous but mostly it will be drama and angst.**

**PLEASE!**

**while you are reading this, think about how these characters feel and apply them to the people who just might feel the same.**

**If you know someone like this, it could be your classmate or closet friend/family member that always smile to hide his/her scars, be there for them. hold out your hand for them to grasp. be the rock that they need to keep them from falling.**

**For those like me, you aren't alone and if you want, you can chat me when you need someone to talk to or cry to me when you need to. I will listen. For others, please do the same. With just one good deed a day of helping others we can change this god forsaken world into a better place where no one can judge or bully.**

**Think about it.**

**yours truly,**

_**Nekocandy4life-**_

* * *

**_Beautiful crimson Ch. 1: red_**

_Red._

_That's all I can see_

_Each time, I'm stuck in that hell of a life._

_These people called my parents…._

_They sicken me_

_Scare me_

_ANGER ME._

_I want nothing to do with them or those who think _

_I am perfect and well defined._

_They don't know me and never will._

_"It's a phase"_

_"You gotta socialize more!"_

_They tell me with their fake smiles glued to their faces._

_Not getting the fact I RATHER claw_

_My eyes out and cut my throat _

_Than hang with others._

_Their jokes don't amuse me._

_Their taunts are stupid._

_And their life style…_

_Their lives I can't have and replace with mine_

_They make me see RED._

_Why red?_

_Red for;_

_Anger_

_Hatred._

_No._

_Now bout red for_

_**BLOOD.**_

* * *

The walls were caving in on me. Belittling me til I felt like I was disappearing in the ground. An ambulance could be heard outside going "Eeee ooooo eee ooo" with shouts of men rushing in.

An elder lady clung to me crying for me to stay with her but unknown to her I was already half way gone.

'Just a bit more' I prayed to the gods 'just a bit more and I will no longer exist.' Red streamed out my hands, painting the cold tile floors a beautiful crimson, staining my white polar shirt. I was starting to feel light, so light, like a feather being carried by the wind to the great beyond.

Taking me away from this life into peace.

Breaking the door down, authorities ran up the stairs where my nanny screams were coming from and quickly did their jobs.

'NO!' I pleaded 'let me die! I want to die!' as the medics wrapped my arm and carried me on a stretcher saving my useless life.

'Don't do this to me! God! I just needed more time!' Using the strength I had, I fought the doctors screaming for them to let me die. Like an infant not wanting to go to grandma's house. Not being able to calm me, they had to sedate me making my head spin.

Everything was a blur.

The lights, the movements, everything was passing by me in a college of colors and shapes. Coldness creeped up my body lying on top like a blanket as drowsiness fogged my mind.

This is it.

The moment I'd been waiting for.

Goodbye life.

'I hope you suffer for this' I thought smiling sadistically thinking about my mother's and 'father's' reaction when they go home and see my pool of blood in the bathroom.

That's fine though.

'I want you to suffer, all of you. I want them to feel the guilt of my death and blame themselves for years to come. Sadistic isn't it? Oh well, they made me who I am. No; not just them. YOU made me who I am also because you were the key player. I hate you but I don't hate you…'

With that…I drifted into a dreamless dream, leaving the commotions and cries of the medics and the nanny.

* * *

**Short i know but think about what i just wrote up on top.  
**

**PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE think about it!**

**On a lighter note; ****My internet came back up. My dad called the company cause they were trying to screw us over but no. They failed hahahahahaha.  
**

**So...i will be posting more chapters for my other stories and this one as well.**

**I do hope you guys get to understand that there ARE people who think these kinds of things. In this story (KEEP IN MIND) it is all made up and not from people personal lives. I don't know anyone with these issues but if i ever meet someone with these kind of issues, I WILL HUG YOU AND SAY YOUR ARE THE MOST LOVABLE PERSON IN THE WORLD AND THE WORLD WOULD CRY IF YOU'RE GONE!  
**

**As for me, things are getting better (somewhat). i still have tiny 'slips' though when everything pressures down hard on me.**

**Please don't judge me...i am trying to fight my problems, but at times i get...numb.**

**But i want to continue to fight.**

**because people like YOU here on fanfiction make me happy with your encouraging reviews!  
**

**thank you.**


	2. white (Ritsu)

**Wow i am making these chapters too short -_-**

**anyways just finished this one and ironically someone (You know who you are) sent a review about her friend feeling depressed.**

**I WON'T say names (Because that is rude and i don't know if she wants me to say her name in here) but to you and your dear friend, this chapter is for you. **

**enjoy and my best wishes.**

* * *

_Beautiful crimson Ch. 2, white_

_White._

_The color for purity_

_Innocence_

_And safety._

_Don't you think that is why_

_Many use white?_

_To symbolize the light of this world_

_When all it is really doing_

_Is masquerading the world's_

_Darkness._

* * *

Clacking sounds could be heard throughout the halls of the hospital as a heels pattered through many directions. Nurses coming and going. Checking on their patients and reporting to the doctors of the patient's conditions.

But for a certain newbie, he was simply following a middle age women to a room. Dressed in a gown, hair messy, this will be his new home for the time being.

"So Onodera san," the middle aged women rubbed her temple "You're only fifteen, why pick to put yourself in a place like this?" she was baffled. Normally, a kid his age would be wasting his time doing drugs and sleeping around. You know those high school things but not this kid.

Thinking, he looks down at his feet remembering the time he attempted to end himself. The scars remain to haunt him to this day.

_How did I come to be who I am?_

_Not many can understand, heck, not even I myself understands._

_I can't remember how it started._

_I don't remember when I took the gasoline and matches._

_I remember screams so clear and loud._

_Were they from me?_

_After my mother's 'medication time' she went off the flip end again. Her and my sister, a tag team waiting for me to come home to have some 'fun' with other strangers._

_I know there was some stranger there. A man. He smelled of booze and weed. Maybe acid? Recalling him coming towards me with a gleam in those black eyes._

_Then after…WHITE._

_My mind went blank._

_A white fog clouding it preventing me from thinking or feeling…numbing me._

_When I eventually came out the trance I was in a hospital. My legs and arms covered with 3__rd__ degree burns. _

_I recall my dad looking away from me in shame and his friend Yokozawa san screaming at me saying how much of an idiot I am for trying to kill myself. I think Yokozawa san was the only one that cared._

_I was shocked I would do such a thing but I guess I didn't regret it._

_My soul just felt numb, as if the whiteness still lingered there. _

_How many years passed since that happened?_

_How many times did I try to die or feel anything til I got fed up and decided to fight on? To make myself better even if a little. _

Thinking about his past and how it formed him. The brunet (Yes brunet lol) smiled a sad smile. "I picked to be put in here because I want to get better." 'If I can that is' he added mentally. "What better way than pushing myself in this?"

The lady considered this "Hmm that's true but you're too young to think about suicide"

"I know but age doesn't have anything to with it and how is life gonna get better if I don't change things?"

Smiling, the head nurse knew she was gonna like this kid. A fighter.

"Yeah."

* * *

**There *Tada* hoped you enjoyed and now i shall start my lazy but on the chapters for my other stories:D  
**

**bye bye~ *HUGS* **


	3. blue (Shinobu)

**Man-_-**

**just tomorrow and Monday...just those two days then I AM FREE MUWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA ! Oh and just so you guys won't claw my eyes out, YES I AM WORKING ON THE OTHER STORIES CHAPTERS OK! ESPECIALLY OPPOSITE SIDES OF THE RIVER SO NO KILLING ME. **

**Anyways~ this next sweet person is SHINOBU! Like i put in the summary both Sih AND J.R characters shall be in here ok!**

**so enjoy and DISCLAIMER: *le sigh* idk why i even bother putting this here if i forget anyways-_- no i DO NOT meaning DON'T own Sih OR J.R. they belong to their rightful awesome owner. this is purely based off my twisted mind made for those i want to help out. secondly i really don't want to be sued so i OWN NOTHING BUT THIS FIC!...AND COOKIES!**

* * *

_Beautiful crimson Ch.3 blue_

_Blue._

_Have you ever awed at the ocean?_

_Admire the color of rivers?_

_Let me ask you this._

_Ever thought of what it'll be like to _

_Take that leap off the bridge_

_Of your home town and go into_

_The **blue** of the water beneath?_

_I have._

_I have thought about it for so long now_

_But fought those thoughts back._

_I fought and fought and fought_

_But can't win._

_I can't go on no more._

_I'm losing my mind!_

_When I think of my mother…_

_My mind goes __**blue.**_

_Feeling me with a dread I can't shake._

_A fear so great _

_I find myself standing on the bridge looking down._

_Down into the blanket of **blue**._

_Waves crashing_

_Rocks smashing_

_The horizon in the background._

_This is how I want to go._

_How I **WILL** go._

_This is it._

_I'm gonna do it._

_One step and I'm in the air, flying, falling;_

_Falling in a world of __**blue.**_

* * *

Here I stand faking drunk when actually sober is what I really am. Listening to blink 182 "Adam's song" on my last day on earth.

Haha earth.

Wonder if people on this garbage of a planet would miss me?

Will my family miss me?

I doubt it. They're not even looking for me.

They never do…

They are all too busy fawning over my sister's boyfriend arrival to notice me jumping off a bridge and splattering my brains on rocks.

Oh well at least I have the comfort knowing no one will stop me from what I planned to do months ago.

The wind picks up blowing my hair out my face making me remember mother's words.

_"The winds carry the lost souls off into the light."_

Did they carry you into the light as well mother?

Will I see you there?

Inhaling deeply, veins pumped with adrenaline, I step up to the edge. No backing out this time. Rid yourself of any emotions. Fill the mind with blue.

It's funny…

Blue have always been my favorite color.

It is the color of my room

The color of my eyes

My mother's eyes…

That's it!

No more thinking you pussy. Get on with it!

With one last look at the horizon, ignoring the sound of and engine behind me and the screeching of wheels, I close my eyes and jump.

I jump off flying, falling, and then…I'm caught?

Opening my eyes, I am dangling in the air. Someone is holding onto me by my shirt collar. Who? Who dares to stop me!

The stranger lifts me up and away from the bridge ruining my only hope for escape.

"Idiot!" he calls me throwing me in the back seat of his car.

"What the hell is wrong with you kid?!" he chides "Do you want to die?!"

"And if I do?" I challenge taking a good look at the one who stopped me.

Black hair, blue eyes darker than mine, and he looks about 24 or 25 even.

"Where you live kid?" I go back to his words "I'm taking you home."

Tsk!

"NOOO!" I sit up "Why the hell do you even care?! Leave me the fuck alone!" anything but going back to that place!

"Che! Fine since you won't tell me where the hell you live; I'll just go where I'm supposed to and ask them to take you home."

Huh?

"Once we get there, call your home kid."

I wish looks could kill. That way this fucker would die.

Looking out the window my eyes widen until they felt like they would pop out.

H-how does he knows where I live?!

This is my street!

Eek! He stops in front of my house like nothing. wait…don't tell me…this ASS is Nee san's boyfriend!

"Hey get out kid." He opens my door but I move as far in as possible. "Oi! Get out!" he grabs my leg and drags me out.

"NO!" I hold on to the car door for dear life "I'M NOT GOING!" with one last pull my hands slips and I fall face first on the ground.

"Shit." Nee san's boyfriend carries me inside where my father and sister are sure to scold me.

"What the fuck is wrong with you?!" see, like I said.

"You know how stupid you are?" no, please tell me.

"I am so SO sorry Miyagi kun." Father bows to the man "Shinobu here just does these kinds of things for attention you know how kids are."

Pssh if I wanted attention I would have killed myself in front of you DAD.

"I don't think that's the case sir. With all due respect, I believe your son needs help." Eh?! "Kids his ages don't think about jumping off bridges."

Eyes looking like Bambie when his lucky mother died stare at me in disbelief.

"What?" I snap "I would have been done by now if it wasn't for HIM!" I spray venom at him. "Everything would have gone accordingly planned if you haven't stopped me!"

"Shinobu!" sister slaps me leaving a hand print making me quiet. "**You're twisted**."

Yes…yes I am.

"Miyagi" she hugs her boy toy "You work at the institution right. Take him there! Like you said he needs help." You can see the hope and happiness in her eyes at the mention of getting rid of me.

"I don't know…" what's that look in his eyes?

Sympathy?

Nah. Must be my imagination.

Out of nowhere my father chimes in "Please Miyagi Kun" so he wants me gone too "Help him."

Cornered like a rat, Miyagi caves "Fine I see what I can do."

They look at me now but my vision fuzzes and I see _**blue**_ once more.

* * *

**I hope this was longer than the last and for Tataniastorm, Your welcome and i'm glad you are happy nowXD I would have replied to your review sooner but i got caught up with finals so *bows* sorry.**

**and for Teabags (If you're still reading this) The story will revolve around FOUR caracters manly. Takano, Ritsu, and now Shinobu. the last character will be a surprise:D thank you for reviewing. **

**once i get the fourth character in here i will make them meet ok!**

**so tell me what you think peoplesXD**

**nekocandy~**


	4. Black (Misaki)

**Yes!**

**Finally got this off hiatusXD**

**hope you like it.**

* * *

_Beautiful crimson Ch. 4 black_

_Black_

_The color of impurity_

_Pain_

_Evil_

_Yeah, guess that sums me up._

_My parent's incident_

_Was all my doing._

_Because I was selfish._

_Cause I was being a burden that day_

_They died._

"_Don't blame yourself!" _

_How can I not?!_

_If I had not made them rush back_

_They'll still be living today._

_My brother wouldn't have had to quit school._

_Or look after me all those years._

_He smiles but I know even he hates me like everyone else._

_I hate myself too._

_This void where my heart is doesn't beat no more._

_So why am I still alive?_

_Everything should be fixed._

_I am gonna right the wrong._

_Make everything better with something nice_

_Cold_

_And __**black.**_

* * *

"Misaki?" I hear brother come in the front doors down stairs.

I ignore him though; my attention remains on the cool metal object in my hand facing me point blank in the face.

The feel of the trigger between my index finger and thumb.

My escape

My solution

The one way to fix everything.

"Misaki" brother says louder "I'm home"

Goodbye brother…

"I brought one of my best friend with me."

Thank you for putting up with me all these years.

"Mi-sa-ki~ where are you?" footsteps make their way up the staircase "Wonder where he is?" tears sting my eyes as the throbbing pain increases in my chest. I shut my eyes and steady my hand.

I can't back down.

This has to be done.

Don't back off now me.

You are not going to continue to be a burden on brother.

End is misery. Do it now.

Placing the gun in my mouth, my heart beat quickens. Every sound could be heard through the deafening silence. Then…

"Hey you in here?" the footsteps stop in front of my bedroom door opening it a bit with a creak. Then as I pull the trigger I hear "Oh god Misaki no!"

Bang!

I am floating in a sea of black. The eerie silence surrounds me and no one is around to hear my whimpers. But that's alright, this is what I deserve.

Eh…what is that?

A light?

Wait, what is it doing?!

No! Stop!

Like hands made of blinding white light grab me from this blissful darkness and takes me back to the commotion of the living.

Opening my eyes, I go rigid.

I'm not dead?

Why? There was blood but I'm not dead.

I pulled the trigger, I know I did…didn't I?

Cold hands hold me down as I try getting up. My head stings and is dripping with sticky fluid; my blood.

Focusing on the fuzzy figure hovering above me, cradling me to its chest, my deep green eyes gazes at soft lavender ones.

"Why?" a gruff voice questions me but I don't have the answer.

Why should I answer?

"Misaki!" Nii chan voice is hysteric and I know I caused him trouble again.

Crying softly I mutter "I'm so stupid. I never do anything right."

I should have just died.

"Misaki why?!" brother yanks me out the lavender eye man's arms screaming "Why? This is a stupid way of asking for attention! This is all my fault! Oh my god!"

My silence makes him turn purple with rage but what can I say?

Nothing that's what.

"Look at me Misaki! Don't you dare go unconscious." Tears fall from his eyes.

His friend puts a rag on my tempo to stop the bleeding.

"Misaki…" nii chan cries burying his head in my shoulder as shudders of sobs escape him.

Why do I keep hurting others?

"If you're sad misaki we'll get you help. This is not the way ok? We'll get you help."

I am beyond help.

"No…" reaching for the gun once more, the man with purple eyes stops me.

"Takahiro" he calls my brother "Call a doctor for now. I know someone that can help but…we'll talk later. Now brat," he says to me "Stay awake got it?"

Heh.

It's easier said than done mister.

That was my last thought right before black dots invaded my sight bringing me back to that peaceful blackness.

* * *

As the young child awoke, he found himself in pale blue room, the windows barred, and he was strapped to the bed.

The smell of sanitizer filled his senses.

"Where am I?" asking himself out loud feeling panicked and a throb in his chest, he was startled when a voice draws his attention to the other side of the room that he failed to notice.

"A loony bin." A kid younger than him said sitting on up on his bed and glaring at the blue paint on the walls. "They brought you here while you were out cold. That was a week before."

Not knowing what to say or feel, the chocolate haired child replies "Oh" then closes his eyes in search of that blackness to swallow him once more.

* * *

**Ok so now that i got my four characters done.  
**

**Lets have them meet in the next chapter shall we!**

**Ohhh~~~ how will this go?**

**i might do some confessionals videos for them who know? **

**:)**


	5. just something random

**Ok so i have no new chapter for you guys this weekend sorry:(  
**

**School is keeping me busy plus writer's block and to top it off me and a friend is doing a collaboration with our own stories so...yeah:/**

**BUT~~~~~**

**I do want to give you guys something though it's random and not really part of this story:)**

**Just something to give this week since i promised to post something every weekend. **

**This is part of My friend's and I collaboration;)**

**enjoy~**

* * *

**_Takumi & Minoru_** _**lemon~**_

_Once inside the bedroom Minoru was thrown on the bed groaning as Takumi crawled over him. "W-wait!" he pleaded but Takumi refused to listen._

_Instead, Takumi kissed him passionately, distracting him as he undid Minoru's buttons and pants. Being taken by surprised as his manhood was jerked out from its confinement, Minoru moaned out in shock bucking his hips into Takumi's hand._

"_T-Takumi…st-op, I'm going t-to—ah!" He came in Takumi's hand. Blushing from the embarrassment, Minoru had to look away ashamed that he came so fast._

_But Takumi would have none of that._

_Taking Minoru's face in his hand, Takumi forced Minoru to look at him. _

"_Don't look away" his breath was husky "I want to see your face." _

_After saying that and earning a crimson blush from his young lover, Takumi then proceeded to loosen Minor so he won't hurt him when he fucks him senseless._

_Spreading his lover's legs wide, Takumi inserts a digit in Minoru's hole, trusting in and out until he's ready to insert another then a third finger until Minoru is loose enough._

"_Ta-kumi!" Minoru's voice hitched as the fingers were replaced but Takumi's manhood. Being stretched by something so big, he held onto Takumi's shoulders like he was holding onto deal life, digging his nails in Takumi's back._

"_Minoru" Takumi breathed, thrusting in Minoru at a slow paste while gradually picking up speed until he was practically banging Minoru like a super rabbit on steroids. _

_They voices got louder and wilder until they finally reached their peak._

"_Ah-Takumi!" Minoru screamed as he came._

_Hearing his name being called at such a sensual voice, Takumi was pushed off the edge and joined Minoru, coming inside his tight hole. _

_Catching their breath from their rough activity, the boys' eyes locked and stared into the depths of their souls._

_Not being able to resist one another they shared a kiss of—_

"WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU WRITING YOU PERVERTED LITTLE DEMON!?"

'Ah, they found my stash of fanfictions' I thought watching the ones I made the fanfiction about bitch at me for "writing without their permission and turning them into gay rabbits." All while turning fifty shades of red!

I feel so accomplished.

"What the hell do you have to say for yourself Sinful?!" Minoru screamed at me.

What do I have to say?

Smiling widely, I say in a seductive voice "So worth it."

"I GIVE YOU WORTH IT!" Takumi ripped my story to pieces!

"Ah my stories!"

No one…no one RIPS MY STUFF AND GETS AWAY WITH IT!

**~Interference has occurred **

**Please stand by~**

"No! We're sorry Sinful! Please stop!"

"Never! Since you guys ripped my precious story, you guys will make it up to me!"

"But this…"

"Shut up and fuck, I don't have all day." I ordered videotaping them.

_**The end:D**_


	6. As I lay dying

**First thing first: I am so sorry for neglecting this story *bows in shame* but things are getting hay wired here and school seems to love frying my brains to a crisp which left me little strength to find inspiration:l  
**

**Luckily though inspiration finally found me (THANK GOD FOR ELLEN HOPKINS!) **

**Also i am trying to expand my vocabulary so if the words in here are used in the wrong way i am sorry and i promise to try and get better at it:p **

**Enjoy~**

* * *

_As I lay dying _

_I was taken to a hospital_

_As I lay dying_

_My parents left me all alone_

_As I lay dying_

_I assumed I finally reached the light_

_As I lay dying_

_I awoke to find it was all in my mind_

* * *

I wish fate was a person.

That way I can kick his ass for not letting me die.

Why is it when we want to live and be happy fate denies us that and when all we yearn for is death fate denies us that as well?

Only when we come back from our near death experience we are sent through more hell than before because the ones that 'care' for us want us to 'get better' when really they just don't want a death on their hands to shame their name for generations to come.

A month ago I was still lying in a hospital bed recuperating from my, and I quote, "Horrid experience." pfft yeah right.

Whatever that experience was it was beautiful.

Peaceful

Enlightenment

For me.

The adrenaline that coursed through my veins as I slit my wrist, the thought of "This is it; freedom." No more being misunderstood, no more having to fake myself to keep up the reputation that was pushed on me since I was a child. No more having to hear my parents fight and getting forgotten like I was never born at all.

No more classmates to tolerate.

No more secrets to keep bottle up inside me.

No more having to deal with a broken heart caused by a girl I wish I never met.

For the first time in 18 years I WAS the master of my own choice.

I WAS the one who decided I should end everything or not; the one that held the blade to my blue vein and danced it across evoking red fluid to drip out like unshed tears.

I felt I was more in control of my life when I did it and frankly I regret nothing.

I did what I wanted to do for the past years and almost made it to that euphoric paradise. Almost.

Then damn fate had to intervene and pull me back into the land of the living. Did you even know my parents didn't even give a damn? They just began fighting on whose fault it was I was who I am. Both claimed they didn't raise me like this.

Right

They never raised me in the first place and the fact that my dad for the past 18 years of my life isn't my dad at all is the topping on the cake.

They didn't even bother to question me why I did it. Just packed my things in a nice suitcase and sent me to a loony ben when I was released from the hospital.

I'm forced to go since I'm not 19 yet which means I'm still a child and obligated to obey the adults and parents. Nothing changed.

I'm a mouse on a spin wheel. Running in circles and getting nowhere in life.

At least I won't be stuck in that dysfunctional shack of a house with my demented freaks for parents. They can fight with all their hearts without me there. There probably won't even notice or care that I'm gone and forget that they were the ones that sent me away.

Another good note; I'll be far away from HER and can start a new life. Hopefully though I'm not sure I want to command my heart away from her. I just love her too much. Like her love for drugs, she is my addiction.

I stand at the front of the desk in what seems to be a social room. yup, there's a bunch of wacked out, brain dead, people here. All old and drooling.

Wait a tick…

There's young people here as well, younger than me. Wonder how fucked up they are to land in here? Pfft thinking that, what does that say about me then?

"Hi and welcome!" some over cherry nurse/man (guy nurse?) greets. In my head his words translate "Hey there kiddo, welcome to the land of insanity where you'll be drugged and 'consoled' by doctors who wants you to believe they actually give a fuck~"

Snorting at my own thoughts, I mask my face with serenity. No point in showing them what type of fucked mind I have. I will just have to keep my distance and play along with these wanna be professionals until they believe I'm not crazy and let me out of this place.

"Come right this way young man. I will show you to your room for the following year ok and after you finish unpacking, you'll meet the other—"

"Nut jobs." I muttered.

Frowning, the man shakes his head, his blue eyes showing sincere sympathy. "Not nut jobs, kids. You're in the E.D (extremely depressed) children department."

"Ah." Don't care.

Leading me to the room, the tall man leaves to give me time to unpack my stuff. He said he'll come back to take me to my first group discussion. Great.

I'm shocked they aren't making me wear those gowns. Lots of the other patients were wearing them as far as I could see but why question something when it's a good thing. I can wear my shit so I shouldn't think of every little thing going on around me. Another thing I'm grateful for is no roommate to share this wonderfully bland room with.

Staying true to his words, the nurse came back and took me to some room where metal chairs were situated to form a circle. Looks like I'm the only one here so far.

Ops. No I'm not.

Some kid with her (his?) nose in a book dressed in the hospital white gown and some shorts sits in one of the chairs completely invisible like a wallflower. Her (again his?) pale dainty legs and arms are covered in bandages. I can't help but be rude and stare hoping those bandages would come off so I can see the gashes and cuts the owner is trying to hide. Light milk almond bedhead hair stick out at the top of the book.

A doctor came in along with two other kids at his side, one with dark chocolate brown hair and grass green eyes (looks anorexic) and the other with a honey kind of brown hair and some sort of grey/blue eyes, before I had the chance to call the dainty kid out. Other kids with problems come in as well and we all take our seats as, I'm guessing, our doctor takes out a pen and paperboard.

"Alright" those cobalt blue eyes sweep through us taking us in as he does a head count. Stopping at the scrawny kid reading, his ice eyes narrows. "Onodera, put the book down. You're joining in the group too." He sounds like a mama bear scolding her young cub.

I watch amused as the kid obviously stiffens at having been called out but my muse plummets when the book gets closed and reveals the kid's face.

All I see is HER.

A replica of the love that broke my heart shamelessly, a clone, and it stops my heart cold.

But it's a not perfect replica at the same time that it is.

Same emerald green eyes **(only this one's shines with life and isn't hollow with drug lust)**. Same almond brown hair **(through this one's isn't split in the middle but denies the laws of gravity).** Same face and build **(through this one is smaller and more childish looking. Like an infant that shoats innocence.)**

A mirror version of the love that stole my heart.

They look alike in every way while looking different at the same time.

My insides convoluted together making it hard to breath as my amber hues remain glued to this ethereal being who looks at the doctor but squirms underneath my presumptuous gaze.

The one thing that snaps me back to earth is the being's voice which so happens to sound boyish though a tinny bit feminine but you can tell he's a dude. A dude with the face that haunts me even out of dreamland.

So much for trying to forget HER.

No worries,

All I have to do is avoid thy guy like the plague.

But can I avoid her face when it's an virus that already spread throughout my body?


End file.
